19 May 2023
Question
After my father passed away, I found it annoying when people wished me “long life”. Here I am grieving for a loss that will never be the same, and you come along and wish me to stay like this for as long as possible. I know it’s just tradition, but why do we say “long life” to a mourner?
Answer
This well-intentioned blessing has been somewhat lost in translation. If we go to the source, I think you will feel differently.
The original Hebrew blessing for a mourner is Arichut Yamim. That doesn’t mean “long life”, but rather “long days”. That changes everything.
A long life is a measure of time. Some of us are on this earth for longer, some for shorter. We are each allotted a specific number of years on earth. There’s nothing much we can do to change that.
But the length of our days is in our hands. Because a long day is not a measure of time, but a measure of achievement. The day has only twenty four hours. However, if you pack those hours with meaning, and utilise your time wisely, that is a long day.
We can’t afford a day to go to waste. Fill each one with kindness, purpose and fulfilment. Look back at each day and see the impact you had and the mitzvah you did. That is how we lengthen our days.
We are most reminded of this when we lose someone we love. None of us know when our time is up. We don't know what tomorrow brings. Better make today a long one.
Source
Letter of the Rebbe dated Rosh Chodesh Shevat 5733