New Da Vinci Conspiracy

Answer

I can't verify the accuracy or inaccuracy of every claim in that book. One statement that I am sure is true is found on the back cover - where it says "Fiction".

With a bit of imagination, anyone can concoct a plausible conspiracy theory. Here's one of my own: "The Da Vinci Code" is in truth a propaganda stunt of the al Qaida terrorist network. It was written to weaken the influence of Western religion, to facilitate the eventual conversion of all Westerners to Islam. What's the evidence? Note the "Da" of Da Vinci and the "Da" of al Qaida. Like so:

AL QAIDA VINCI

Coincidence? I think not.

The book was actually not written by Dan Brown at all, but rather by Bin Laden himself. It is well known that Bin Laden ALWAYS wears brown clothing - hence the code name "Brown". Also, notice both of their names have the same number of letters, and both have two names that end with the letter "n". Here's a diagram:

D A N B R O W N

B I N L A D E N

Not convinced yet? Here's the clincher: While the book repeatedly attempts to delegitimise Christianity and defame Judaism, it NEVER attacks Islam, not even once. Why? Because it was written by Islamic terrorists of course. Case closed!

While the book may deserve a thumbs-up for entertainment value, its descriptions of ancient Judaism are as outlandish as the last UFO sighting. To say that the Israelites worshipped a goddess alongside G-d is as ridiculous as saying that they used to eat pig for Shabbos dinner, or that Bin Laden has taken to writing action novels.

As any Jewish child knows, the core of Jewish belief is absolute monotheism, as expressed in the most fundamental of Jewish prayers, the Shema: "G-d is one". Any duality, including the male/female duality, is a creation of G-d. Indeed, the Kabbalah speaks of male and female aspects of the divine (the female of which is referred to as Shechinah), but it is emphatic that these are mere expressions of how G-d manifests in the world; sometimes G-d seems to operate in feminine ways, sometimes masculine. But G-d's very self transcends both male and female, because G-d is the source of both.

This is not just an esoteric theological discussion, but has dramatic ramifications on how we view ourselves. If we were indeed to believe in two distinct and independent divine powers, one male and one female, then that would imply that men and women are two distinct creatures, with separate "gods" that created them. If this were the case, man and woman could never truly unite - we would be coming from different manufacturers. We would not be just two variations of the same species, like apples and pears, but be two incompatible models, like Apples and PCs.

Not so with one G-d. If we are both created by the same G-d, that G-d can unite us and fuse us into one. We have our differences, but we come from the same source. We are made for each other, so rather than our differences coming between us, they allow us to compliment each other. It is the radical monotheism of Judaism that makes it possible for man and woman to actually come together.

Long before "The Da Vinci Code", the Hebrew Bible (an even bigger bestseller) described the first couple, Adam and Eve, as together being "created in the image of G-d" - the one G-d. Those few words, written thousands of years ago, have inspired generations of people to strive for unity and oneness. While we are each an individual, we are all - male or female - created in the image of the same G-d.

So the biggest cover up of all time is the seeming fragmentation of creation. When man and woman unite under G-d's canopy, we debunk that conspiracy.