1 September 2023
Question
I believe you should live with no regrets. That's why I don’t relate to the whole repentance thing during the High Holidays. Why harp on past misdeeds? What’s done is done. Isn’t it better to just move on?
Answer
A wise person once told me, “Should of, could of and would of is blasphemy.”
It is also grammatically incorrect. It’s should have , not should of . But the point remains true.
Dwelling on what could have been is not just a waste of time, it's a denial of faith. We believe that whatever happened is part of G-d’s plan. It could not have been any other way. Wishing things were different is pointless.
This even includes my own misdeeds. The paradox of free choice is that while I can choose my next move, once it is done, it was meant to be. I am still responsible for the choice I made, but now that it is in the past, it is a part of G-d’s immutable plan. My responsibility is to choose what to do about it.
So where is room for regret? If I did wrong, and it was meant to be, why should I feel any remorse?
Regretting the past doesn’t mean I wish it didn't happen. True regret means I am no longer the person who made that bad choice. I have let go of the negative thought pattern that allowed me to do wrong. I don’t agree with it any more. If I were given the opportunity again, I would choose differently.
I can accept what I did, as it has made me the person I am now. I am better than I was before my mistake, because I learned my lesson. I am no longer in the place I was back then. Regret means I have really moved on.
This is the repentance of the High Holidays. Don’t say I should of. Don’t even say I should have. You are exactly where you need to be now. The past is only there to make you better today.
I wish I would have known that years ago. Oops, I shouldn't have said that. Whatever.
