3 October 2025
Question
I am so upset I don't know what to do. I am Jewish, but not practicing. I married a non-Jewish man, and Judaism has not been part of our home. Now my worst nightmare has come true. My 19-year-old daughter at university has joined the pro-Palestinian camp. She marches against Israel. She speaks against Jews. It feels like she has turned her back on her family and her heritage. I tried talking to her and it didn’t go well. We hardly have any contact now.
My question is not about my older daughter. I feel she is too far gone. But I still have a 15-year-old daughter at home, and I am terrified she will go the same way. I can’t let that happen. How can I protect my younger daughter and keep her from rejecting her people?
Answer
Here is what you need to do. Light Shabbat candles. Every Friday evening, on time, without fail. Even if you've never done it before, start now.
You may not have expected this response. Perhaps you were hoping I would give you a book for your daughter to read, or a Jewish group for her to join. But your children don’t need more words. They need to see what a Jew looks like. They need a mother who is not just worried anti-antisemitism, but who is pro-Judaism. One small flame on your table will say more to them than a thousand lectures ever could.
Children can sense what their parents truly value. When you light Shabbat candles, when you put a mezuzah on your door, when you study Torah or give charity, you are showing your daughter that Judaism is real to you. No arguments, no debates, just living it. You’ll be surprised how impactful that can be. Give a Jewish soul some oxygen and it comes alive.
And here is the secret. Those flames you light on your table may travel further than you think. Even your older daughter, far away with her activist friends, may one day feel the glow of your candles. Don’t write her off. Right now her fire is burning in another direction. But a soul never loses its flame. One day, the sparks you ignite in your home may awaken hers as well.
This is not about your older daughter, and it’s not about your younger daughter. It’s about you, the only person you can control. Light your flame.
