18 August 2006
Question
Thank you for introducing me to Ned. We had a lovely date, and he is a really nice guy, but I don't think he's for me. Nothing specific really, just a gut feeling. I go by instinct, and my instincts are telling me no. I know you will want me to try again, but I can't just ignore my gut feelings, can I?
Answer
Instincts are like horoscopes, palm readings and weather forecasts: they get it wrong most of the time, but as long as once in a while they get it right, we still believe in them.
How many times have your gut feelings proven to be mistaken? Like the time when early in a relationship you said, "I have a good feeling about this...", only to be disappointed soon after. Or when someone who at first glance seemed completely uninteresting and "not for me" proved to be just the opposite.
If your doctor completely misdiagnosed you a few times, you'd chose another doctor. If your stockbroker advised you to invest in south Lebanese real estate, you'd drop him. But when your instincts get it wrong time and again, you still listen.
Why do we listen to our instincts if they have such a bad track record? Because we are lazy. We would rather just be told what to do by our higher voice than have to work it out ourselves. A quick judgment is easier than a long deliberation. And it is easier to be impulsive than to really examine our feelings to know where they are coming from. So we trust our instincts, no matter how imperfect they are.
If only we would be as tolerant and forgiving of other people as we are of our instincts. You always give your instincts a second chance - maybe you should give Ned a second chance too.
