Do Rowdy Kids Belong in Shul?

Answer

There is a story about my father-in-law that shaped the way I think about this.

He was a very dedicated follower of the Lubavitcher Rebbe and tried to spend as much time in the Rebbe's presence as possible. Every weekday afternoon, he would leave work, pick up my brother-in-law, little Moshe, from preschool and take him along to the Rebbe's shul for Mincha, the afternoon prayers.

One day, my father-in-law was running late. He realised that if he stopped to collect Moshe, he would miss the beginning of the service. So he went straight to shul and planned to pick him up later.

He arrived just in time and went to his usual spot. The Rebbe entered the synagogue, glanced in his direction, and made a questioning gesture.

Where's Moshe?

Among the hundreds of people gathered in the room, the Rebbe noticed that one little boy was missing.

That says something remarkable about the Rebbe. A world leader with global responsibilities noticed the absence of a preschool child. But it also says something about children in shul.

Long before children understand what's going on in shul, they absorb its atmosphere. They see adults praying, hear the melodies, and learn that there are things in life that are sacred.

Of course, children should be taught how to behave in shul. Part of their education is learning that there is a time to run around, and a time to sit quietly. If your children are a little rowdy, that's actually good news. It means you'll have plenty of opportunities to teach them that we don't run, shout or act silly in shul.

And if some grumpy guy starts shushing your kids? Don't take it too personally. He's part of the educational process too.

At the same time, we need to be considerate of other people. If a child is having a full meltdown, they should be taken outside for a while. That's why shuls have kids' spaces, programs and toys, to help young families feel welcome.

But none of that is a reason to stay home.

A child who occasionally disrupts a service is still learning what it means to be part of a sacred community. A child who never comes misses that opportunity altogether.

Little Moshe probably didn't understand much of the prayers. But the Rebbe understood something deeper. Before a child learns what a shul is, they need to feel that a shul is theirs.

Bring them. Let them grow up feeling that shul belongs to them. And if one day they don't show up, we should notice they're missing.

Just like the Rebbe did.