31 July 2003
Question
Dear Rabbi Moss,
I am getting married in a couple of weeks and something has been on my mind. My grandmother passed away last year. I was always her favourite grandchild and we shared a uniquely close bond. I just can't accept that she won't be at my wedding. I am almost embarrassed to say it, but I actually went to her grave and begged her to come to the wedding. I'm not really sure what my question to you is. I guess I just want to know...does she still hear me?
Jessica
Answer
Dear Jessica,
Your grandmother not only heard you - she will respond. You may be surprised to learn that what you did is in fact an ancient Jewish custom. Over the generations Jews have visited the graves of their loved ones to invite them to join in their celebrations. The most fundamental work of Kabbalah, called the Zohar, says that the souls of departed relatives come to share in the joy of the weddings of their descendants.
The fact that you went to your grandmother's gravesite to invite her to your wedding, even though you were unaware of this custom, indicates that your soul knew intuitively what the Zohar says.
And the fact that you can't accept that your grandmother won't be at your wedding is because it isn't true. She most certainly will be at your wedding. It will be painful not to be able to hold her hand and see her smiling face, but you should feel comforted in the knowledge that her presence and her love are right there with you.
And she'll be there whenever you need her, because the soul never dies, and a soul-connection like the one you had with your grandmother is eternal.
All the best,
