21 November 2003
Question
My grandmother recently revealed that she intends to be cremated. This disturbed me, as I know Judaism doesn't allow cremations, but I'm not sure why. What should I tell her?
Answer
Whether you are a "spiritual" person or not, there are some very good reasons not to be cremated.
1) Our body doesn't belong to us. It is given to us on loan for the duration of our life on this earth. We are charged with looking after our body, and are permitted to use it for furthering the cause of goodness in this world. Once our souls return to where they came from, we lose any rights in the body, and must return it as is. Cremation is like borrowing someone's car and torching it instead of giving it back - not nice!
2) A central Jewish belief is that those who have passed away will be resurrected when the Messiah arrives. That means that their souls will return to their bodies and they will live again. The Jewish burial practices prepare the body for this experience. Cremation makes it difficult.
3) I recently spoke to someone who attended a friend's cremation. I was struck by her reaction to the funeral. She said that the atmosphere could only be described as awkward. Here was a group of people coming to pay their respects to a loved one. At the front of the room stood an urn. Try as she might, she was unable to make the association between her friend and the urn. There was no sense that honour was being paid to the departed - her presence was no longer felt.
The Kabbalah teaches that the soul of the departed remains hovering around the body at the funeral. It hears the eulogies, and sees those who have come to bid it a final farewell. After the burial, a part of the soul always remains at the gravesite. There they can be visited, and they are aware of and attentive to their visitors.
Being cremated is unfair to the mourners. They cannot be expected to say farewell to an urn. They have no gravesite to visit. The soul has no resting place in this world.
As for those who have already been cremated, the past is the past. G-d can do anything, and He can certainly forgive them. But for the future, cremation should not be an option.
Your grandmother is a special lady. May she see many more years of good health, and may she always be treated with the dignity that she deserves.
All the best,
