15 July 2005
Question
After lying a couple of weeks in a coma, my grandfather passed away. He lived a full life, but I am having trouble coming to terms with his last days on this earth. He was so lifeless, so hopeless, so completely unresponsive. I don't want to remember him that way. He was so active until his accident. Why did he have to leave the world in such a sorry state?
Answer
My thoughts are with you at your time of loss. The world has farewelled another one of its heroes.
It must have been terribly painful to see him so uncharacteristically passive. But I wouldn't call it lifeless. Some of the most powerful human energies come to the surface while a loved one lies there seemingly unresponsive. As the body weakens, the soul shines through. The outer personality is lost, but precisely then the inner being is revealed. Think of what your grandfather achieved in his final few days.
True, in a coma, one can't play tennis, buy stocks, tell jokes or share stories. But a comatose person can love and be loved. The love displayed to someone in that state is the deepest love there is - completely unconditional. When you sit by the bedside holding his hand, talking to him, dreaming of but not expecting a response - that is pure love, when you get nothing in return.
The comatose person can also inspire, and themselves be uplifted. The conversations you have at the bedside are not wasted words. The dying patient hears every word you say, no matter what the doctors think. They don't hear with their ears but with their soul. They even hear the feelings that are not said, but are rushing through your heart. This lifts their soul, to hear and feel their family around them.
His final days brought the family that he created together. At such moments of truth, careers, appointments, and the daily news become secondary. Petty squabbles and family politics are put aside. They pale into insignificance in front of the awesome brightness of the holy soul that is preparing to go on its final journey.
And you, the family, leave the bedside a better person. By spending time with someone during their last days, you can't help but think of how short and fragile life is, and you consider what is really important in life. We are here in this world to try to make it a better place - to add a bit more light, a bit more love and a bit more happiness. Your grandfather did that - right up until his last day. He will continue to inspire you to do the same.
