17 March 2023
Question
Rabbi, do you know why I don't go to shul? I used to go when I was young, but then once my father gave a donation of $$100, and the shul secretary said that it was not enough. My dad was so embarrassed, he never went back. So I stopped going too. If you need to be wealthy to be respected I want no part of it. Am I right or wrong?
Answer
You are the third person this week to explain to me why they don't go to shul. This happens all the time. At almost every function, a wedding, funeral, kid's birthday party or on line at the grocery, someone comes up and says, "Rabbi, do you know why I don't go to shul?...."
I have never asked anyone why they don't go to shul. I don't even know half of these people. And yet they feel the need to share with me their particular Jewish gripe, either the unfriendly rabbi or the arrogant cantor or the bar mitzvah teacher with bad breath - whatever it was that turned them off Judaism for years.
It's funny, I don't feel the need to justify to my dentist why I rarely visit him, or the local gym why they never see me. And yet when people see a rabbi they are overcome with an urge to explain their absence from shul.
Mind you, the people who do attend shul don't seem to have a good reason for it. Some people attend every week or every day, and can't explain why they do. And there are those who haven't been to shul in years, and then rock up to a service, without any justification for their sudden appearance, walk in, take a prayer book and sit down, as if they always belonged there.
Because they do belong there. A Jew needs no reason to be in shul. There is no explanation necessary. You only need a reason not to go to shul. But to go, no reason is required. I am here because I am Jewish, and going to shul is Jewish.
When people present alibis for not being in shul, it's just their soul crying out, in pain for a connection they feel is lost. But it's never lost. No matter how negative the past experience may have been, it can't extinguish the Jewish spark inside of us.
What happened to your father is disgraceful. But to let that incident disconnect you from Judaism is even worse. You need to get past it. In the meantime, all the justifications in world won't change the fact that you're a Jew, and a Jew wants to be Jewish.
