4 September 2026
Question
I'm uncomfortable with the patriarchal nature of prayer. We refer to G-d as our Father, our King, always in the masculine. As a woman, I feel sidelined, as if G-d is a man. Don’t you think the prayers need fixing to make them more suitable to modern sensibilities?
Answer
If male references to G-d turn you off, then you'll love the services this Rosh Hashanah.
This year, the first day of Rosh Hashanah falls on Shabbat. As a result, we experience one of the most pleasurable parts of the service: skipping pages in the Prayer Book.
The prayer "Avinu Malkenu" (Our Father, Our King) is a highlight of the High Holidays. But we don’t read it on Shabbat. The technical reason is that Avinu Malkenu is a series of requests, and on Shabbat we refrain from petitioning G-d for our needs. But there’s something deeper going on here.
On Shabbat, the masculine divine energy steps aside to allow the feminine divine energy to take centre stage. Our Father, Our King moves aside for Our Bride and Our Queen.
G-d is neither male nor female, but the source of both. In order for us to relate to the Divine, G-d interacts with the world in both masculine and feminine ways.
In a very broad sense, masculine energy seeks to act and change, while feminine energy seeks to nurture and embrace. Masculinity tries to improve reality. Femininity reveals the deeper reality that already exists. Masculine energy fixes its way out of a problem. Feminine energy feels its way beneath it, to discover the deeper meaning within.
This is the difference between Shabbat and the weekdays. During the week we try to fix the world. We work at it. We make changes. It's the masculine domain of tinkering with things to make them better.
On Shabbat we enjoy the world for what it is. We bring out the deeper layers, the emotional, the spiritual, the relational connections that lie beneath the surface. That's the feminine domain. For this reason, Shabbat is called a bride or a queen, the feminine face of the divine that reveals a more profound way of living.
So when Rosh Hashanah falls on Shabbat, we don't say Avinu Malkenu, the prayer that refers to G-d as our Father and King. That prayer asks G-d to heal the sick, vanquish evil and fix the world. That’s the masculine domain. We’ll get back to that on the second day of Rosh Hashanah. But on Shabbat, we don’t appeal to that side.
Instead, we embrace the Shabbat Bride, the divine feminine, and awaken to a deeper truth:
The world doesn't always need fixing. Sometimes it just needs to be understood.
Same with the prayers.
