26 June 2015
Question
URGENT: I am writing to you from my husband's grandmother's funeral. Something weird just happened and I am freaked out. In the middle of the burial, as family and friends were shoveling dirt over the coffin, my husband's kippah fell into the grave. Before anyone could do anything it got covered in dirt and disappeared. It must be a bad omen for him that an article of his clothing got buried. I am still at the cemetery and want to know what we should do. Should we dig it up, or say a prayer? Should I be worried?
Answer
The kippah falling into the grave must be a sign from G-d. Everything happens for a reason.
However, there is no need to panic and nothing to worry about. It is not a bad sign and you shouldn't read into it that way. On the contrary, perhaps the buried kippah is G-d telling your husband something he needs to hear:
Your grandmother showered you with love and affection your whole life. And you reciprocated by caring for her with the utmost devotion and loving attention.
Now she is gone, but her love continues. Her wisdom, her warmth, and her strong presence will always hover over her family. She will continue to look after you from above. And you can continue to care for her too.
She no longer needs to be helped in the physical sense. She doesn't need you to go shopping for her, to do her banking, to take her to appointments with the specialist. You can't give her hugs, hold her hand and tell her how much you love her chicken soup. But there is still something you can do for her, something she needs from you.
What she needs from you now is to continue the Jewishness that she passed down to you. What you can do for her now is mitzvos.
Your kippah, your Jewishness, is the love you can still give to your grandmother. It is the one gift that reaches beyond the grave, that the living can give the dead. Her soul, and all the souls of your ancestors that came before her, are waiting to see you continue the unbroken chain of Jewishness, the light of Torah that has been handed down from parents to children, grandparents to grandchildren, right down to you.
The rich traditions your grandmother taught you are like a big delicious cake. It has many layers, added by each generation. Now you need to add your layer to the Jewish cake, and your kippah is the cherry on top. So leave that kippah in the grave. And go and put on another one.
